I have had a secret for nearly 12 years and want to disclose it, and let it go.  

I carry with me emotional baggage stemming from summer of 96, when I learned that I was not successful in taking the bar.  It was an ego buster and I thought there must have been a mistake because I had never failed in anything that I attempted.  I was 25 years old when I sat for the bar and I was supposed to be a fabulous attorney.  That's what my family and friends thought.  I still recall my uncle Gus at my wedding in March of 1995, raise his glass and toasting the bride, the attorney he proclaimed with pride.  I feel like I have let everyone in my life who believes in me, down.

I am not embarrassed that I have not been able to pass the bar.  I have taken it several times, only to come less than two points from passing.  It's not the long hours that I spend in preparing it, or the 18 hour exam itself.  It's the disappointment.  I don't recall ever crying about not passing because I feel like I can always try again.  However, I feel like I have disappointed all those who believe in me.  Those who still support me when I attempt the bar.  Thank you and I am sorry for letting you down.

I will be getting my results this Friday and really have not thought much about it.   I don't even want to check the website at 6pm when the results become available.  I just realized that it's this emotional baggage that has been weighing me down this past week unbeknownst to me.