Race season has finally begun...YEAH!!!  Or least that's how I felt 2 days before my race.  You guessed it...my infamous open water swim panic attacks are still with me.  What is it about the mind that takes you to places you can never imagine?  I'm somewhat of a control freak when it comes to my own thoughts and attitude.  OK...maybe I am also a control freak in other aspects of my life but that's another blog. :-)

My race was FAR from what I expected.  SO far that I had to change all my goals within the first 5 minutes.  This race was all about survival.  At least with a goal like that I knew I would succeed.  I have been surviving life since the day I can remember so I have become an expert at it.

I won't bore you with my whole race story but I feel that the swim portion is worth sharing.  There are a lot of us out there that have this problem but no clear answers.  I know this because I Googled it when I got home :-)  The sad thing is there are no real answers. At least not yet.  I will take this on as my summer project and get back to all of you when I have unlocked the door to overcoming this fear.  Please check back soon. :-)

My swim started off alright.  It was chopping but not as bad as it had been the day before.  I was cool.  Then I started sighting.  Maybe too much.  By the time I reached the 2nd bouy I was doing the back stroke.  No worries.  This is my safety net and I would go again soon.  By the time I hit the first turn I was back stroking the whole way.  I was freaking by this time but still keeping my cool.  Most of the swimmers were missing how beautiful the sky looked that day.  I however was enjoying it and trying to think about everything but swimming.  I thought about Michael and how happy he is when I bring home a finishers metal.  The little boy next door who says I'm his hero...I had to be a hero for him.  Mandy...I knew she was worried about me.  She needs to stop worrying so I had to prove to her that I would be fine.  The second turn came.  GREAT...headed back to shore!  Not so fast!  When I decided to side stroke so I could see where I was going I realized I was way off course.  NO...REALLY WAY OFF COURSE!!!  The other swimmers were at least 300 yards from me.  Now the panic really sets in.  It's not going away at this point.  So I decide that I might need assistance.  But before I call for help I told myself that I am going to survive.  Coach will still be proud if I just make it through this swim.  I am now doing a modified breast stroke and calling for the kayaker.  I can't believe this is happening!  I'm a strong athlete...I'm good at this sport...I am KimmieBFast!!!  Help arrives but I refuse to hang on.  I know if I do we will only drift farther away so I tell her to just stay near me.  She was the most supportive volunteer.  Thank you!  While she is on one side cheering me on there is a man on the other side puking!  Yes...that's right!  Sea sick in Missouri!  At least I wasn't that bad.  I felt sorry for him but it at least gave me perspective on my own demons.  The kayaker left and I was on my own again.  Still modified breast stroke.  Then I felt land!  Thank GOD!  I could actually stand and walk but only for a short time.  It was the break I needed and helped me swim the rest of the way in.  43 minutes later I was out of the water.  I SURVIVED!!! 

The rest of the race was sub par for my KimmieBFast status but I made the best of it.  I cheered on everyone I passed and hopefully helped a few athletes along the way.  I think I am a great cheerleader so maybe that's why I am almost last out of the water.  If that's the case then fine.  I will always cheer anyone on...especially those who can kick my butt in the water.

70.3 Ironman Kansas is less than 2 weeks away.  I will overcome these panic attacks.  I will have a great race.  And I will survive...that's what I do.

KimmieBFast

LOVE LIFE...BE BRAVE!

>:-)